The tension of both AND.

I can’t seem to get away from this truth—whether it be with conversations with friends, hearing a prayer request that I get to storm Heaven for, or in my own personal life, this tension of both AND.
The place where two feelings seem counteractive towards one another, but because Heaven operates on a different wavelength and magnitude and scale, they’re actually complimentary.

Whether it’s a health diagnosis that feels so intrusive to everyday life, whether it’s a relationship that is breaking your heart as you seek God on how to work towards peace and reconciliation, or whether it’s just the throws of heaviness that seem to be breaking the bow of your ship as you continue in uncharted waters, it is often these two statements that ring heavy in your ears:

I WANT RELIEF.
Lord, show Your face near. I’m weary. I didn’t ask for this and though I know I can trust You, I still don’t want it. My heart is hurting and my breath feels shallow. I just want the sunshine to stay out and the hardness to leave.

And also—
GOD IS USING THIS.
Father, though this is not what I expected or prayed for, I see and feel You moving in and through and around me. I know you’re most committed to the deep work of the soul and I’m watching You transform Your people, including me. You are trustworthy and Your faithfulness that I usually see in retrospect? Help me cling to it now. You waste nothing and withhold nothing good from those who love You. This is STILL good ground.

Both.
You can scream one and whisper the other. You can cry out the first and joyfully say the second.
But both invite the Holy Spirit.

The cry for relief and normalcy welcomes His comfort + healing power. The only way to receive a transformed perspective is to voice what breaks your heart about your current view. Weariness welcomes the refresh.
And the declaration of what He is doing? The Spirit moves with great authority. Supernatural vision is gained in what the world would claim desolation or discouraging circumstances. You discover what true joy, hope, + peace are when you have to fight for it.

In the big and the small happenings, the tension of feeling both of these sentiments so intensely is a gift 🤍